"I met Clayton and became his Youth Pastor on March 13, 2009 in my living room. I remember the date because it was a “Friday the 13th” and i had invited my youth group over to watch some scary movies. Sean Hurd brought Clayton as his guest, and Clayton, who seemed to enjoy every minute without even flinching, stuck with our youth group from then on.
i joked with him and others at his hospital bed that i knew he was a keeper because we didn’t scare him off the first night.
Immediately he became a steady part of our Church family. Tuesday night Bible studies at my house, Wednesday night Youth Group at 6th Avenue Church of God, Saturday Sports at Delano Park, Sunday worship whenever me or his mom could wake him up in time. The early shyness that every young man hides behind quickly dissolved, and within just a couple months we got to know what made him laugh, what made him bored, what made him excited, or interested, or irritated, or talkative, or relaxed, or stressed, or clever – in short, we got to know Clay, his personality and his character.
Please don’t miss what i just said about that: “We got to know Clay.” To get to know someone and let them know you – to know the Person, not just who they pretend to be or who they wish they were, but who they are as God made them – that takes real Love. It’s simultaneously God’s greatest Gift, and humanity’s greatest Risk. It’s a Gift because we’re getting what we actually need: each other; each other’s compassion and forgiveness, our stories and laughter, our strength, company, honesty; our spirits need these things like our bodies need water, food, or sleep. But getting to know someone is also a Risk for the same reason – because we need each other’s compassion and forgiveness, our stories and laughter, our strength, company, honesty, and if those basic needs are denied we wither like a body without food, water, or sleep.
But God, in His Wisdom, designed both the Gifts and the Risks of Love to go hand-in-hand, so that we cannot be taught to Love without practicing Courage. Courage is the unseen coil around which Love tightly wraps. Courage usually starts Love, and sees it to the end. Stop right now and think about how the people who Love you most would fight the most fiercely for you, would “follow you to the ends of the earth,” would tell you the Truth to your face, would die for you – all things that take great Courage. Why? For the same reason that you’ve never seen a tree blossom without the unseen sap stirring the leaves; without the sap, there are no leaves, and without a little Bravery to strike the match there is no Love. You’ve never been, and never will be, truly Loved by a coward.
Consider now God’s Loving command to Joshua, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
And from the time we got to know Clay, he was with us to many of the places we went. I mentioned already a few of the weekly activities we did when he was in my youth group. But i don’t want to give you the impression that Clay was “involved” in Church. In Truth, he was an important member of my Church Family. And Families get to do things together – from the common to the thrilling.
Here are a few of the thrilling things i enjoyed doing with Clayton:
+When we went cliff-diving at the Bluffs near Somerville. He took the plunge with the best of us, and earned his man-card shortly after his 16th birthday.
+When i turned my office into a “hide-out” for an UnderGround Church, to teach the students about Christians who worship where Christianity is illegal. Of course, i made Clay the guard at the door, because, let’s be honest, if you were trying to invade the meeting you’d be crazy to attack a guy his size.
+Those Saturdays when we played football in Delano Park. When picking teams the other boys would pick him because, again, you’d be crazy to try and tackle a guy his size.
+Another thrill was anytime – however briefly or rarely it was – that i saw him behind the wheel of a car, even if he wasn’t driving.
+It was thrilling when we went White Water Rafting in TN, especially for Clay because he and Jake were the only 2 that got thrown out of the raft the entire trip. Clay bit a chunk out of the front of his lip on that spill, and, once again, earned his man-card.
+It was thrilling for other boys in the group when, at a concert in AYC 2010, Clayton tried to start a Mosh Pit. And i was thrilled that nobody lost any teeth.
+Miss Jane (and the rest of our Church Family) were thrilled on Easter Sunday, 2010 when Clayton showed up in a classy, stylish, blue suit wearing a … wait for it … a necktie, beaming like he’d just won the lottery. Unfortunately, that was the same Sunday that pastor ken decided that we’d worship outside in our Church’s front parking lot. As the sun climbed, Clayton felt every fiber of that thick blue suit and was glad to be rid of it once worship had ended.
+International Youth Convention (IYC) 2010 to Orlando was itself a thrilling trip, and Clayton had his share of adventures: an 11 hour van ride discussing everything from zombies to Harry Potter to his love for writing; and a Magic Show at which Clay himself got to stand on stage as the magician’s assistant as the magician bent rebar against Clay’s neck (i still have the rebar if you’d like to see it, by the way); and writing “Free Hugs” on his shirt with a marker so he and my other students could share the Love with everyone else at the convention. And we can’t mention that trip to FL without telling the ultimate thrill he got (with about 5 other guys in the group) when he failed to properly apply sun-block the entire day, despite my dear wife’s warnings. Remember that? Mr. & Mrs. Sivley, do you remember the sun-burned misery he suffered when we got him home?
+But of all thrills that Orlando brought, no other thrilled me more – and i mean none – than when Clayton Sivley joined me and just a few other students at the Young Leaders’ Meeting because he believed Christ was Calling him to some kind of ministry. i was so proud of him, among all the other students, because i knew what great Risks he had taken to get to this point; the Trust he had placed in Christ, and the willingness to obey despite the cost.
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| L to R: jacob, clay, jake, jose, daniel |
You see, when Clayton had come to our Church Family that fateful March 13, 2009, he was leaving a life of isolation, and rejection, and loneliness. I’ve learned over the years that before we met, he felt that he had lost his place among his peers, felt for a time that he didn’t fit in, and so he had chosen the safe road (that so many of us choose) where he wouldn’t have to show himself, or fail, or Risk in relationships. And with just a little Love and Courage from Sean Hurd, then Daniel Moore, then Ben Callahan, then Zach Langford, then Patty Lyons, then Jacob Chapman and Taylor Rennick, and Jose Morales, and Jeremy & Jake Hardin, and Stephanie & Charles Simmons, and Matt Wilson, and pastors ken and Jeff, and Mary Alexander, and all the Church Families at 6th Avenue and 9th Street, and all the teachers of Decatur High School, and all the Students he shared class with, and all the people – to know who you are just remember him, just one thing you loved about him – with all the people who supported him, Clayton grew in the Faith, Hope, and Love of Jesus Christ.
And then shortly after Clay’s Senior year started – on August 13, 2010 (a Friday the 13, as a matter of fact), Clayton was taken to the ER, and there the doctor first suspected he had leukemia. I remember being there, the shock of it all, the denial that it could even be possible, and i saw the anxiety in his eyes. And with all the Love and Courage that God my Father has taught me, i looked at Clayton in the face and said, “Clay, do not be afraid. Whatever you do, don’t fear.”
As you know, he spent a good part of the next year & several months in Birmingham Children’s Hospital. The news went from bad to worse as “leukemia” turned into Histiocytic Sarcoma, which turned into blood transfusions, and medicine, and chemo treatments, and missed schoolwork, and 2 birthdays in the hospital, and more distance from family and friends, and the fight, the ever-present fight to keep his feet moving.
And over those months of needles and pain and nausea and fatigue, i saw something utterly beautiful and profound: i saw the older teaching the younger, the simple learning from the wise; i saw Donna, Clay’s mom, stand beside him with all the Courage and Love of Jesus Christ Himself. She put both her shoulders under his burden, sharing plenty of blisters. At times she pulled him and pushed him, encouraged him and corrected him, laughed and cried with him, spoke and listened with him; at all times she believed in him. In short, she truly got to know her son, and shared with him all of her Love and Courage.
I discovered over those difficult months why Clayton was able to bloom like he did when he joined my Church Family. You see, a flower in bloom must begin with a seed, must grow in good soil, and get the right kind of nurture. Clay’s family planted that seed, tended and nurtured the soil. The first night i got to visit him in Birmingham, i saw the care from his Aunt Veronnica from Mississippi who came shortly after hearing the news. I saw the support – the Courage and Love – from his Uncle Keith who stayed with him all night, and helped him laugh off the endless needle pricks. Over the months i got to know his grandparents, Mr. and Mrs. Sivley, their deep faith, compassion, and resilience, his Aunt Teresa and her tenderness, his sister Santana and her Appreciation of meaningful things, sister Gabi and her energetic Joy for Life, and brother Trenton, his Strength and tenacity. The family’s faith in Clay was the reason Clay had Faith in Christ. And the Joy we have in Christ is that one day you’ll all get to share the reward of that Faith forever, together.
Clay and Donna benefitted of course from an astounding support system of Doctors, Nurses, Clergy, and other patients at Birmingham Children’s who, with the family and friends, continued not only to care for and heal him, but also to cheer him on and encourage him: “You can do it, Clay. You’ve got this. You have what it takes to see this through.”
And then just a few weeks ago, when we thought Clay had seen the last of it, that’s when he was dealt the biggest blow. The cancer took his lungs. He was placed on the ventilator, the doctors continued to seek and ask and puzzle over, the Church Families continued to seek and ask and puzzle over in our own way, and there was little more to do than to sit and wait.
And on the last day of his life – when even he seemed to know he didn’t have much longer in this world – that’s when Clay showed us all the Courage and Love that he was really made of.
I stand before you now to proudly report that he faced his final moments on this earth with dry eyes, with his sense of humor, and with the people he Loved on his mind ahead of himself.
And as he lay in that bed, i was more proud of him than i could have ever been by the sum of his past accomplishments. He was dignified, a warrior of God, and a true friend. He showed astonishing Courage, because when it mattered most, he Loved us all best, giving hugs, kind words, and laughter to us all (he blew bubbles in his water and it made us all laugh).
As CS Lewis said, “Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point, which means at the point of highest reality.”
If you want lasting evidence of this Courage and Love, because in the days ahead you and i will also need our share, just get to know his family and friends who witnessed some of his last words, because he told us bravely, “This seems like a farewell, not a celebration.”
You’re right, Clayton, we should be celebrating, thanks for the reminder. See you soon, buddy."
